Blog Neglect

See? I always end up abandoning my blogs. Except my knitting blog, cuz that is the shit.

The Falling

My second favorite band has a song called "The Falling". I recommend that if you listen to country music, you give it a listen. The Eli Young Band is the best. Anyway, this is kind of going to be about that song, and how it is pretty much the complete soundtrack to my life.

"It ain't the falling in love I'm scared of." That's true. The idea of falling in love, and having your "other half" as it were is immensely attractive to me, and despite my rugged exterior, I kind of am a complete sap. Really. I secretly love books and shows and movies with romance. I think that falling in love would be a magical experience, but the cynic in me knows that its hard to do, and might not ever happen.

The reason this song describes my life, is because it really does reflect my cynicism about love. Love at first sight is a foreign concept to me, and I just...don't know what to make of love. When someone tells me they're in love, I just roll my eyes, and say, "Sure you are."

"It ain't the falling in love that'll kill me, its the sudden stop." Maybe that's why whenever I find myself in a relationship, I just shut down and find a way to convince myself it won't work. I'm a cynic, what can I say. And deep down, I'm scared of being hurt. But aren't we all?
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Well, now that you've all had some wonderful insight into the complexity of my feelings I'm going to go snuggle with my cat.

My Thrift Store Success

As some of you may or may not know, I love thrifting. I love finding stuff that is either odd, old, or unique, but even better, I love finding stuff that is normally crazy expensive new, but is now cheap. It's like a treasure hunt. You never know what you'll find while you're thrifting, but I can assure you that you will find something if you look hard enough.

As you may also know, I love photography. Seriously. And for the longest time, I have wanted to have my very own 35mm camera. My mom has one, but it's broken. But it has been my thrift store mission to find one of these. I look in the camera section every time I go, but never find anything.

But today that all changed. I was thrifting with my friend Aubin, and we were at my favorite local thrift shop, the Treasure Trunk. Now, I went to the usual electronic section, but I couldn't find a single camera! I was pretty bummed out, but went about my usual thrifting routine. A little while later, I actually stumbled upon a new section just for cameras! And that was where I found this puppy. Pentax. In a leather case. It was strewn about with all of the retro 90s point and shooters, and even an old digital camera I had donated. The moment I saw it, my heart skipped a beat. Was this the camera I had been looking for? Yes. It was. And just like that, my quest was completed. The best part of this is that it was normally $20, but today was 50% off with a student I.d. And it works. I have a few rolls of film and have already started shooting. One of the best thrifting days ever.

New Years

Its funny, because I bet reading that title made you think this post was going to be about a New Years resolution. But, lo and behold, its not. Because I decided long ago to stop making foolish New Years resolutions, because they are stupid and do not work. So unless my New Years Resolution was to just, keep on keepin on, then I wouldn't really have one.

That isn't to say that I don't have goals for the coming year, because I do. I personally feel, however, that resolutions and goals are different. Resolutions seem to be very open ended in some cases, while I find that goals have much more substance to them. They're more tangible. And sure, you make think that New Years Resolutions are the same as goals, but let me assure you, they are not.

That's really all I got. And ironically, this post kinda did talk about resolutions, even though I said it wouldn't. I suppose what I was really driving at was that I wouldn't be all, "Here are my resolutions, blah blah blah..." So you're welcome, because I'm sure we're all sick of that from facebook.

That Totes Awks Moment When...

....you accidentally stumble upon the blog you thought you lost forever from two years ago when you were an awkward little eighth grader/freshman. Yikes.

Now, this isn't to say that in two years when I accidentally find this blog after completely ignoring it, I won't be completely devastated with embarrassment. But finding that little web page is kind of like finding a modern day time capsule. I was writing about the boy I had a HUGE crush on in eighth grade, and my subsequent struggles with that, and oddly enough, a lot about the weather. And really, a lot of the things  I posted were entirely pointless little snippets about my day. (Like I said earlier, it's not like this blog isn't the exact same thing.) As Aubin just put it, "I kind of can't believe you wrote that on the Internet..." Oh lord.

Well, let it serve as a reminder that we do change, even in a short amount of time. Believe it or not, I remember being that 14 year old girl who had a major crush and was pretty spunky and definitely a little bit awkward. But it's something we all can relate to, and if we all had a blog from two years ago, or four, or whenever, we would all be in for a delightful (and hilariously uncomfortable) surprise.

I keep a journal, and its something I have tried to do consistently. But of course, it usually ends up being incredibly sporadic. But that isn't my point. My  point is, it goes back two or three years, and I sometimes go back just for shits and giggles. And even better, I still have my little girl diary that I got in second grade. SECOND GRADE. It details all of my crushes, and arguments with Jack, and everything in between. Also, it goes through most of the awkward middle school years that my current journal leaves out, so I have a fairly decent record of my life.

So really, all I'm driving at, is that yes. It is a horrifically awkward blog, much like every single writing in my diary and journal. But, that's ok, because that's just how life works.

Winter Break Ramblings

Well, its finally here. We made it through finals week, and have been rewarded with two and a half weeks of glorious freedom. So, what to do with all of this new found freedom? Blog, of course. But in addition to that, I have several activities planned out to make it more enjoyable.

1. Knit. Duh.
2. Write a little bit.
3. Maybe dabble in the arts, see whats what.
4. Carol. (Well, this wasn't my idea, but still.)
5. CHRISTMAS. Yeah, its here.

Before I really get going in this post, I just wanna say that all of a sudden, I can't operate and keep typing hear instead of here. Fuck me. I'll try and catch myself, but no guarantees  I always find typos when I reread this shit because I'm too lazy to proofread. But heck, its a blog post, and like 1.32 of you actually reads this and cares. Anyway, I digress.

I guess lately I just haven't really been feeling the Christmas spirit. Maybe it was the weather, that had been nearly 60 degrees all month. It hardly felt like December at all.  Perhaps, (and I think this is more than likely) its due to the fact that by the time Thanksgiving rolled around, I was already tired of Christmas thanks to overwhelming ads. I was honestly a little bit angry at the world leading up to Thanksgiving, and once the time came to actually start celebrating, I just couldn't do it. It could be thanks to my increasingly cynical outlook on life, but I just could not find the spirit like I used to when I was younger.


And apparently, nobody else in my family could either. In the early weeks of December, my mother was usually busy decorating, wrapping, shopping, and shipping, and playing Christmas music on the radio. But this year, she came down with some acute bronchitis and was bed ridden for a long time. She was understandably depressed with her lack of Christmas spirit, but thanks to this, she would only pester my brother and I to make up for her lack of spirit. Our Christmas tree sat bare in our living room for several days, and sat for a few more with only lights. We decorated only a few days ago, and even that somehow felt forced. Not wonderful or joyous. Later, my mother chastised my lack of effort, after putting none of her own into it, and insisted that I kept decorating after I had simply lost interest.

It was shaping up to be a dismal season. Dad had started his new job, Mom was sick, and Jack and I were drowning in a sea of school work and stress.

But on Tuesday night, I felt a rekindling of the old Christmas spirit. I felt the childlike wonder and joy that once filled me to the brim when I was a little girl, and for the first time all year, I was genuinely excited for Christmas. I was downtown, ice skating for the first time in my life. Below the festive clock tower, and surrounded by friends and sparkling lights, I was reminded of Christmas past, when it was the most wonderful time of the year.

I guess that this really got me thinking about growing up. This is one of the first years that I honestly felt like an adult when it comes to Christmas. I was not eagerly awaiting the arrival of Santa Claus, and the mere idea of  decorating exhausted me. Christmas was just another thing to add to my already hectic schedule, and I was having trouble finding room to squeeze it in.

But while I was out stumbling on the ice, laughing with friends while the cold air nipped at my nose, I was reminded that really, I am still a kid. The world may be telling me otherwise, but deep down, I'm just a kid at heart. I need to enjoy myself while I still can, because one day, I really will be an adult, and I'll wish I was 16 again.

So those are my little ramblings on winter break, and I'm sure I'll have more once the new year arrives!

And I would also like to mention, that we didn't die today.

Procrastination: The Root of All Evils

Alright, so maybe its not the root of all evils. But honestly, procrastination has to be one of the worst things.

This post right here is actually nothing more than me feeling obligated to post something to the 1.5 people who read this, and trying to put off studying for finals. Shit.

Procrastination is honestly a mental health issue, in my opinion. Its self-destructive behavior, although its far different from actual pain that you inflict on yourself. But I really do think that procrastination is a sickness, and the more you procrastinate, the worse for you it gets. Then all you do is procrastinate.

Maybe its because I'm in high school, and I have 8 classes that I'm trying to balance, or maybe its simply in my nature to procrastinate. Who really knows why we do it? We know that its a terrible thing to do. The night before finals, you know you shouldn't be procrastinating. The night before your huge paper is due, you know that you should have done some work on it. Why can't we stop ourselves?

Like I said, this is my pathetic excuse at not studying right now. So I really shouldn't be talking about procrastination right now. Because all of those open-ended questions I just asked? I'm asking myself those questions right now. I am being self-destructive, and I know that, and I accept that. But what will it take to change these thinking patterns? What has to happen for all of us to STOP procrastinating and start taking action?

Now honest to god, I'm going to go do something to get ready for finals tomorrow. Fuck. My. Life.